bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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