I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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