bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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