you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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