her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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