Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Farmville is her only friend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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