Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
