God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
