in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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