Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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