I just cut my nipple shaving
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
