Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
