Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
