Already got asked if we're dating
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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