My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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