So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
