the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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