Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
