My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
