Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
