not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
