Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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