I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
