dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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