just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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