I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
