you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
