She is in my trunk
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
