Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
