i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
