I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
