kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
