You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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