i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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