life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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