i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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