An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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