so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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