You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
