I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
