In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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