I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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