never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
