Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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