It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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