I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
