Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
