I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
