I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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