How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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