Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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