And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
