you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
