Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
