thus making me awesome and them whores
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
