If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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