you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
