Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drake has all the answers
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk is not a location!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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