Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
