Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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