my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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