Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
