Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
