I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
