I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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