Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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