3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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