i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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