I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
