So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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