What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
