Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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