So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
