I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
