dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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