at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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