enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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