How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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