normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
