That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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