We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
