yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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