Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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